Kurt's Thoughts

I read this in the New York Times today and almost fell over laughing:

"IBM is threatening to leave organizations that set standards for software interoperability because of concerns that their processes are not always fair.
IBM published a new set of guidelines it plans to follow, which include encouraging standards bodies to have rules to protect their decisions from "undue influence," a clear reference to competitor Microsoft." 

The standards processes “are not always fair”?  If I read this correctly, IBM thinks they’re important enough that they can dictate how worldwide standards committees engage with them… or they’re going to take their ball and go straight home.

IBM is one of the more senior technology companies in the world and it has maintained one of the largest established lobbying groups in both the United States and in Europe in order to communicate their ‘value’ to standards bodies & governments alike. 

Before 2000, Microsoft had virtually no presence in these circles – but after IBM and others like them testified against them in antitrust hearings, after having been locked out of opportunities on the basis of international "standards" created based on influence by IBM, they discovered how important involvement in the political & world standards process was.

So I find it comical that the 600 lb gorilla of lobbying & politicking should cry foul about "undue influence".

To quote Jason Matusow:

• "If IBM is such an advocate for open standards (meaning process and technology), why then be so concerned when it turns out that the openness invites participation of those who disagree with them?"

In a perfect description of how IBM stacks the deck better than anyone when it comes to standards processes, check out Jason’s blog about the degree to which they will go to outmaneuver their competition in standards committees:

• http://blogs.msdn.com/jasonmatusow/archive/2007/07/18/open-xml-us-v1-committee-vote-and-ibm-motivations.aspx

I found this really great article about something my dog does all the time.  I’d always wondered about this:

• http://www.wagreflex.com/2008/09/help-my-dog-is.html

Help! My Dog is Having an Asthma Attack!

Has your dog ever made a noise like he was gasping and choking and kind of sneezing and wheezing all at once? Would you describe it as an “asthma attack”? This can be an alarming incident to witness because you feel helpess like there is nothing you can do to make it stop. However, it does stop in about 10-30 seconds and then your dog goes back to normal acting like nothing happened. What the heck?

What you were probably a witness to is something called reverse sneezing. The name is actually a misnomer as it really has nothing to do with sneezing. It is an irritation of the soft palate that causes a spasm. The soft palate is the soft, fleshy piece of tissue that is an extension of the hard palate (roof of the mouth). The spasm narrows the airway and makes it temporarily difficult for the dog to take in air.

Anything that causes irritation to throat can trigger a spasm. Some common causes include excitement, drinking water, pulling on a leash, perfumes, household cleaners, and environmental allergens.

Brachycephalic dogs (those with pushed in faces like Pugs and Boxers) have very long soft palates and therefore seem to more susceptible. Small breed dogs also seem to be more prone but nobody knows why (smaller airway?).

Although this condition seems very alarming it rarely requires treatment. Once the “sneezing” stops, the spasm is over. Things you can do to help minimize the length of the spasm is to massage the dog’s throat or cover the nostrils which makes the dog swallow.

In short, reverse sneezing is not a life-threatening problem and will usually resolve on it’s own without treatment. If you are unsure whether or not your dog is actually reverse sneezing video tape an episode and take it to your veterinarian. They can watch it and tell you for sure.

–Dr. Hinson
———————
Dr. Hinson is a mixed animal veterinarian in Tampa, FL and a regular contributor to Wag Reflex.

Disclaimer Regarding Veterinary Information

“It’s as if millions of voices suddenly cried out…” 

Yep, that’s a fitting quote to describe the blog posts, comments, and email I’ve seen about the “I’m a PC” series.  Millions of voices… all different.

• “Finally!"  Microsoft is responding back to Apple!”
• “Microsoft is admitting that their other Seinfeld ads were bad…”
• “Darn.  I was really looking forward to the next in the Gates/Seinfeld series.”
• “PC != Windows.  Typical close-minded Microsoft…”

So here we go.  Stuff that made me smile while I watched the ads for the first time:

1. That “PC” guy?  That’s Sean Siler.  And he’s a real employee at Microsoft.  Yes, he works on  Windows.  IPv6 Networking specifically.
   
2. To quote one person in the advertising industry, “It takes months to shoot and ad campaign like this…it’s quite laughable to suggest [Microsoft] cooked this up after the Bill & Jerry spots aired.”
   
   So why did this make me smile?  Well, our campaign has a very long project timeline which is part of what makes the assertion that we ‘dumped Seinfeld’ ridiculous.  This sort of reporting is bell weather indicator of crummy research, or none at all.  A news source inferring that we changed its advertising campaign direction midstream is simply attempting create controversy instead of reporting facts & news.  As one extremely smart person I know put it succinctly:  “They are noise… not signal.”
   
3. “I’m a PC” is a metaphor for real people.  Diverse, widely-varied in thought & opinion, independently-thinking, with a common bond:  We’re all human beings.   And like real societal challenges, some people have issues of incompatibility – but we all evolve & exist for the better because of their differences in thinking, doing, and being.

   It isn’t about pushing ‘elitism’.  It’s about celebrating differences & the incredible strength of loosely coupled diversity.

   What really made me smile about this was the fact that they end capped the ad with Deepak Chopra.  Say what you want about him:  His philosophy on personal well-being and self-assured individuality is quite fitting.

   And by the way, on the topic of things that might make you smile, does anyone else that knows their computer history think we’ve somehow seen this all before?

4. The mantra of the “I’m a PC” ad in the “Life without walls” campaign is something that has a real chance to resonate.   Interestingly enough, all of the companies that managed to break into the top 10 spots in “all time best ads” have a very crisp value proposition for the user and that the ad campaigns that got them there delivered a simple message that was easy for everyone to understand and identify with at an emotional level.

   FYI:  The top 10 list includes:

   1. Volkswagen, "Think Small", Doyle Dane Bernbach, 1959
   2. Coca-Cola, "The pause that refreshes", D’Arcy Co., 1929
   3. Marlboro, The Marlboro Man, Leo Burnett Co., 1955
   4. Nike, "Just do it", Wieden & Kennedy, 1988
   5. McDonald’s, "You deserve a break today", Needham, Harper & Steers, 1971
   6. DeBeers, "A diamond is forever", N.W. Ayer & Son, 1948
   7. Absolut Vodka, The Absolut Bottle, TBWA, 1981
   8. Miller Lite beer, "Tastes great, less filling", McCann-Erickson Worldwide, 1974
   9. Clairol, Does she…or doesn’t she?", Foote, Cone & Belding, 1957
   10. Avis, "We try harder", Doyle Dane Bernbach, 1963
5. “Life without walls” is going to have some very cool marketing angles.

   One of the themes of Windows is the availability of choice for consumers & businesses alike.   Many hardware manufacturers, software libraries, development tools, online stores… all while sharing a common bond, a common ‘lingua franca’, a small but important set of consistencies that allow people to associate with each other when talking about computers:  A consistent set of drivers, a consistent paradigm for interacting with applications, a consistent means of management, a consistent manner of communicating.

6. As a life long American geek, it made me proud to have U.S. Astronaut Bernard Harris featured in the ads.  And as a N.E.R.D. fan (going back to when they performed their anthem“Rock Star” as the title theme for Microsoft’s original XBox title “NFL Fever”, having singer/songwriter Pharrell Williams featured was doubly cool.

   And if you’re a green proponent, seeing Edouard Francois, famed green architect should be an exciting sight as it was for me.

7. I think it would be safe to say that if they’d been watching TV over the past year or so that people might characterize Windows PCs & their users as boring and unhip.  ”I’m a PC” shines sunlight on this perception:  Any sort of attack on PCs would be attacking stereotypically boring and unhip Windows users.  Stereotyping an entire world of people is not cool and ultimately alienating.
   
8. I’m very pleased that the concept of “PC = Windows; Windows = PC” has been repeatedly burned into the minds of millions of people worldwide.  We’re quite grateful for this. 

   Yep.  And as you can see, we’re taking full advantage of this alignment and we look forward to proudly reinforcing this sentiment.  Microsoft Windows is the Personal Computer.

9. Delighted to see the bit with San Antonio Spurs star & 3 time NBA Champion Tony Parker and his wife, Hollywood actress Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives fame.  No offense to Tony, but I was a little more excited by Eva’s participation than his.  I’m sure he understands.

   In fact, from what I understand, Eva practices what she preaches.  She was at the Windows Vista launch party a couple years ago and had some nice photos taken at the Vista press room.  (see the photo to the right, which was one of many taken)

   Just another reason to worship at the altar of the beautiful Eva Longoria.  Tony, you lucky bastard.

10. The athlete at the end of “I’m a PC #2” was UFC light heavyweight championship contender Rashad Evans.  (Do NOT call him a “boxer”)  Just 2 weeks ago, Rashad, KTFO’ed famed mixed-martial arts fighter Chuck Liddell with a wicked punch that landed Liddell on the floor in a stunning upset that left the MMA community reeling.

    This lines Rashad up for a bout to regain his light heavyweight crown… and it also explains what Rashad was doing wearing a t-shirt with Bill Gates’ famous police mug shot photo on it as he entered the ring for a fight.

11. Interesting that some folks in the media are starting to look at our advertisements more carefully.

    Huh. Those Mac Ads Aren’t As Funny Any More.
    by Michael Arrington on September 19, 2008
    http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/09/19/huh-those-mac-ads-arent-as-funny-any-more/

12. Some folks are profiting from the “I’m a PC” concept already.
    http://shop.cafepress.com/design/15949305

And finally, there’s been a lot of talk about our ads being edited using a Macintosh.  I can’t help but smile at the folks that levy this argument on the “I’m a PC” ads.  Whatever happened to “can’t we all just get along”?  After all, we make software for more than just Windows. 

…and besides, it would seem as if some folks have forgotten their recent history about a certain store apparently being run on Windows-based products:

• http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2007/08/apple-iphone-in.html – Windows XP
• http://www.jkontherun.com/2008/07/iphone-3g–brou.html – Windows CE
• http://blog.retrosight.com/AnOpenLetterToApple.aspx – Windows Mobile

I stumbled upon something really funny.  Penn Jillette mentioned that there was a site out there that had a PDF list of all the complaints received by the FCC about their Showtime program on cable, “Bullshit”.

This stuff is funny.  Keep in mind that Penn & Teller is a show on a pay-for cable television network.

Complaints to the Federal Communications
Commission (FCC) about the Showtime TV series,
Penn & Teller Bullshit
http://www.governmentattic.org/docs/FCC_Complaints_PennTellerBS_TV_series.pdf

Penn Jillette has a comment related to Bill Gates & Global Warming.

One of my favorite video podcasts is “Penn Says” (RSS).  It’s Penn Jillette’s bi-weekly commentary on anything and everything.  And being that many of Penn’s opinions, politics, and often whacked-out gonzo thoughts reflect my own, you can see why I would religiously sync his podcasts to the ol’ Zune.

While looking at one of his recordings (this one being on his apparent belated discovery that Ron Silver is a lucid thinker and a reasonable human being unlike many of his nutjob contemporaries) it dawned on me that his podcast is actually distributed by a company called “Crackle”.  On a whim, I decided “check it out” – after all, most of the podcasts I’ve seen out there are just sh-t on a cracker and it’d be nice to see some other professional, quality, well-produced Zune playable content on my device.

WTF?  I think I hit the mother lode.  Look at what I discovered:

DATING BRAD GARRETT  (RSS)
Yeah.   That Brad Garrett.  If you know anything about the former Everyone Loves Raymond star, he’s not just an actor, he’s a brilliant comedian… and he’s just as slight bit east of bat-sh-t crazy. He’s possibly the most irreverent, non-politically correct, incorrigible comedian I’ve ever witnessed – and I’ve seen Bob Saget, George Carlin, and a few other scary comics.  NOTHING is off limits for him, heaven forbid you be in the front row during one of his shows in Vegas.

GROUNDLINGS  (RSS)
Some people don’t like improv comedy.  One person I know (and you know who you are… ahem) thinks it’s formulaic and uninspiring.  I think it’s great entertainment and can’t get enough of it.  To each their own. The Groundlings Los Angeles-based Improv comedy troupe does a podcast every week that satires some familiar situations and so far, it’s been well worth the bandwidth to download – particularly because a good chunk of the content comes from stuff you see in LA.

GORGEOUS TINY CHICKEN MACHINE SHOW  (RSS)
File this one under, ‘Glorious’.  First of all, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m Japanese by ethnicity and I’m very familiar with my heritage’s perceived idiosyncrasies – particularly, the Japanese penchant for whacked-out TV shows that aren’t limited by a horrendous sue-happy legal system that’s desperately in need of reform.  So… this is a… uh… parody of… uh… a Japanese TV show that… uh… well, just take a look and you’ll get the idea.

In case you’ve been under a rock over the past month, there’s been a bit fair bit of controversy over exactly what the criteria is for Apple’s acceptance or rejection of a piece of software to post on App Store.  It’s essentially undocumented and numerous contradictory rationales/excuses have been given for “rejecting” one application while “accepting” another.

• NYTIMES:  Apple’s Capricious Rules for iPhone Apps
  http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/16/apples-capricious-app-policy/?scp=2&sq=iphone&st=cse
• CNET:  Apple blocks competitive products from iPhone App Store–surprised?
  http://news.cnet.com/8301-13846_3-10041187-62.html

Joy of Tech, a Mac advocate site of all things, created a flowchart on their theory of how Apple makes up it’s mind.

Oh… one more thing on the topic of the Braun Synchro Shaver: 

While I love the model 7526 shaver, I LOATHE the fact that Braun has this absolutely ludicrous money making scheme known as “Clean&Renew” cartridges.

Clean&Renew cartridges are basically plastic cartridges that contain a blue alcohol based fluid that is tapped whenever it cleans your shaver.  Basically, when the shaver cleaning stand activates it pulls liquid from the cartridge and pushes it through the shaver, cutting through oil and grease and otherwise leaving your shaver nice and clean after 5 or so rotations of this stuff.

Here’s the thing:  These cartridges are $10-$12 for a pair.  And they’re filled with an alcohol solution so naturally this stuff evaporates after a month or less of usage.  So you end up buying more of these blue cartridges year after year.

LINK:
http://buyitnow64.stores.yahoo.net/clchrecc.html

Pssst.  Can I tell you secret?

The blue stuff is called 70% ISOPROPYL ALCOHOL with a little blue dye.  Yes, that’s right.  The same damned stuff you find at Rite-Aid or CVS or Longs Drugs or Walgreens for $1.49 a big bottle.

So if you were to buy a big bottle of this stuff and then… oh I don’t know… wash out a “Clean&Renew” cartridge with some of the alcohol and refill the thing, and be satisfied in knowing that the “blue coloring” wasn’t necessary to clean your shaver… you’d be saving yourself at least a $100 every year.

I just happen to conveniently have a link to some low cost Isopropyl Alcohol.  I bought one $1.49 bottle at the beginning of last year and I still haven’t gone through the whole thing, yet my shaver has remained nice and clean.

LINK:
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=73865&catid=10269

The stand for my Braun 7526 Syncro Shaver has been broken for a couple months now.

I can’t really complain:  I’ve had this shaver for years.  I’ve figured out it’s nuances and how to get the best shave out of it.  I’m quite pleased with the fact that it automatically cleans and charges itself too.

But now the charger base/stand is broken and it’s pissing me off.  Braun’s no fucking help either:  Their site is basically, “Go to one of our authorized service centers and get screwed by having to pay the same cost as the entire charger itself”.  Alright, maybe they didn’t say that last part but they might as well have. 

Back to my problem.  It’s really annoying, and I’m not the only one that thinks so.  Apparently this is a common problem amongst owners.  I found one guy complaining about it on Metafilter:
http://ask.metafilter.com/100872/Fix-for-Braun-ShaverRazor-Syncro-Clean-amp-Charge-System

I would have told him the answer by posting it to the discussion if Metafilter didn’t REQUIRE A 1 WEEK WAITING PERIOD to get an account.  F- you Metafilter:  If Yahoo, eBay, Microsoft, Google, and every other major company out there on the Internet can get my an authorized login in under 5 minutes, why can’t you?

ANSWER:
http://buyitnow64.stores.yahoo.net/brsyclandchh.html 

And I quote:

“Does the arm on your Syncro Clean and Charge Stand not stay locked down? ”
This repair part will take care of the problem.
For use with all Braun SYNCRO Models 7000 series
The repair is quite simple, we provide instructions with pictures to assist you in the repair.

How sick is that?  An actual precise answer to the problem that I’ve been having.  And it’s only $12.95 for the replacement part – not $49 for an entirely new stand.  And while the money’s not really that big a deal, I feel quite good about having found exactly the right solution for my repair.

A customer forwarded this clip to me of the tryouts for our infamous “banned Xbox 360 commercial”.  Good stuff.

http://www.glumbert.com/embed/xboxlady

So, amidst all the folks that are either just joining the discussion around the new commercials, or still insisting that Microsoft ought to “fire back at Apple’s ads”… here’s a couple observations I made about “New Family”:

1. Previous message: 
   “Y’know I imagine over the years you’ve mindmelded your magnum Jupiter brain to those other Saturn ring brains at Microsoft…” ”The Future… Delicious.”

   New message: 
   “You’ve connected over a billion people….”  “Perpetually Connecting = PC”

   I wondered to myself if people will notice how the series slowly changes from being essentially “about nothing” to being about “Microsoft and its products”.  The ‘sign off’ in this episode recognizes that Microsoft = PC, but it isn’t obnoxious and doesn’t throw mud at “the other camp” and refers to what it represents in a positive way:  Perpetually Connecting.

2. From the “In case it hasn’t sunk in completely by now” file:
   It’s hopefully becoming clear to everyone watching that a direct message from us would likely be completely rejected by viewers.  So instead we’re delivering a message in a rather oblique, indirect manner.
   
3. This parody of “The Simple Life”, the infamous E! reality television show starting Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie is seems to be lost on a lot of people.  And that’s probably a good thing because it effectively targets a specific group of folks by using the context as a filter. 
   
4. Once again, there are oodles of blogs & news articles about the new commercial – most of them never mentioning “The Simple Life” – but all of them pontificating about the commercial with their own interpretations and their own opinions. 
   
5. Wow.  Some folks are going pretty deep into interpreting the commercials meaning: 

   For example, there could be a set of reoccurring symbols being used in these episodes.  Some refer to the symbolism of certain individual objects in the ads like “the gum”, “the broken car”, the empty ketchup bottle”, “the stale meal that needs cheese”, etc.  I saw that one person analyzed the very specific time references made in “New Family”:
   – The old lady that had “been around for 12 years”
   – The leather giraffe had “been in the family for 6 years”
   

6. The media seems to be enjoying this fresh take.
   
   • “I think these ads (although this 4:30 minute skit is more like a mini-sitcom) are great.  Not great at selling product, since that’s not what they’re trying to do. But great entertainment, and humble and irreverent in a way that, say, Steve Jobs could never emulate.” –Dallas Morning News
   • “Gates & Seinfeld’s next commercial: Better. With funny parts. Now it’s kind of starting to make sense. Windows needs to think about how to adapt to the needs of real people.” –ZDNet
   • “Tonight’s ad explains that Gates and Seinfeld are on a quest to reconnect with real people, just like Microsoft is with the campaign. By embracing ordinary people — and contrasting them with the awkward rich guys — the ads are also a populist comeback to Apple’s "I’m a Mac-I’m a PC" ads that feature a hipster mocking an ordinary guy.” –Seattle Times
7. These ads seem to make self-identified Linux & Mac users angry  In reading comments on some of the larger blogs & news sites, these Gates & Seinfeld ads seem to really bring the vitriol out of zealots.  For some reason, words like “stupid” and “waste” and “senseless” are used in long exhaustive comments.
   
8. And finally:

   A co-worker of mine wrote something that I think really does a great job in discussing the science of advertising, something very few lay-people understand.

   ”When I took the Pepsi Challenge back in the 80’s, I had no idea the circumference of the cup and sample quantity would automatically make me prefer the sweeter cola — Pepsi. (Consume a small quantity of liquid from a narrow cup and the front of the tongue, which tastes sweetness, dominates your senses. Drink more of the same liquid from an ordinary soda can, and it hits the sides and back of your tongue – completely changing how it tastes to your brain).

   That elderly greeter at Wal-Mart may say “good morning” to you, but what he/she is really doing is distracting you from thinking about the list of things you came in for. If you simply stop and look up, the likelihood that you will purchase additional/unplanned items increases dramatically.

   Remember the original Budweiser “whazzzup” commercial? Seemed pointless, unless you recall how the last guy answered the question: “…watchin’ the game, havin’ a Bud.”  That’s right:  Your friends are all at home alone drinking, so forget about that silly stigma – grab yourself a Budweiser.

   Advertising can be very effective even if consumers never consciously understand the desired message. In fact, they often work better when the desired influence is unclear.”

p.s.  This fella dissected “New Family” down to the last detail:
Microsoft says Apple is Dijon mustard and extra cheese
http://www.tgdaily.com/html_tmp/content-view-39294-118.html

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just skip this post.

1. No mudslinging.  No snappy retorts.  No anger.  No blood or “public hangings”.  No “crossfire”… 

   “The Future?  Delicious.”

2. Take a look at this photo to the left:  It’s what’s on the front page of Microsoft.com.  Look at the shirt & glasses Bill’s wearing and the side of the picture that he’s on.  Look at the jacket Jerry’s wearing and the side he’s on.  Does this look familiar?

   Note however that Bill’s a nice guy and not a buffoon in a collared shirt.

3. Conversations about cost savings and practicality.  Conversations about ‘things that fit’ and ‘feel right’ when purchasing them.  Conversations about choices and diversity, the future, and most of all, they talked about how you don’t need to spend a lot… even if you’re rich. 

   Everyday people choose ‘smart’ & ‘value’ over ‘cool’. And if you didn’t catch any of that, don’t worry.  They’ll be other episodes.

4. Innovation comes in all sorts of textures & flavors.  Stuff that you and I haven’t even thought of.  Moist & chewy?  Y’never know.  But it’s what Bill’s thinking about, and he’s a pretty smart guy.
    
5. People buying shoes don’t just speak English.  They speak Spanish too.  People other than the 1,000’s of techno-philes, college kids, and bloggers are interested in shoes.  Billions of people shop for shoes.
    
6. Did you watch it more than once?  I’ll bet more than a few people hit the 10 second rewind button on their DVRs or replay button on their screens to see it more than once.  It effectively captivated the watcher with curiosity.  People that knew what it was were “waiting for the pitch that never came”.  Those that didn’t know what it was watched it and likely remembered it or maybe even talked about it at the water cooler the next day.
    
7. There was a lack of condescension and preachiness.  In fact, it didn’t really feel like an ad.  It almost seemed like a Seinfeld episode.  No incessant pounding of a message.  No hard core marketing point to force feed viewers.  Just a lot of light-hearted dialog featuring two interesting people, leaving the content open for interpretation.  There’s more than one way to view Shoe Circus, and that’s what allows people to relate to it differently.
    
8. Anyone else notice that Bill’s Clown Club card used a photo – edited snapshot of the famous Albuquerque, New Mexico state police photo of him when he got arrested for speeding?

   Notice the digital removal of the “mug shot” board.

9. It’s part of a story.  The analogy someone I know used was the “Burma Shave” signs.  Burma Shave signs were outdoor billboards placed on US highways from the 1920s to the 1960s that told a little story in small pieces that evolved as you drove along.  The signs are found in museums and private collections today.

   

   Many more “signs” will be posted along the way.

   …and…
    

10. It’s worth repeating again:  No anger.  And besides: People are talking about it, discussing it, writing about it, blogging about it… right?  Heck, you’re reading this post to read my observations on it.  Now there’s MS haters screaming, “AhhhhM$isabunchof@#$%!” which is pretty much the norm.  There’s MS zealots going, “AhhhhhMSWTFyoushouldhavedoneXY&Zinstead?!?” which is pretty much expected.

    And in the middle there’s an awful lot of people that probably found the opportunity to see another “Seinfeld” episode – one featuring Bill Gates – enjoyable.  And probably talked about it with others because that it wasn’t like any commercial they’d seen before.

    And that was just the intro.  Hey – we have $300M to spend, right?

Wow. Here’s a really interesting look as to why advertising, particularly in games, is BAD.  It’s actually an argument that I’d never really considered.

In a nutshell:  Advertising changes games.  It changes the thinking of it’s creators.  It changes the experience within the game.  It creates visuals that detract from the rest of the game and ultimately doesn’t add to the enjoyment of the game.

Read more here on the Braid web site.

LINK:  http://braid-game.com/news/?p=337

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog?
How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it
be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the ‘Chrysler Beagle’?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is
he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying
   ‘hello’.
8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not
   after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

It’s no secret that I seethe at the lack of accountability that is Wikipedia. 

It’s like how YouTube gets copyrighted content posted to it and declares that ‘it’s not responsible’ for what people post and that removal or lockdown is done on a best effort basis.

Saying that it’s a reliable authority on any given topic is like throwing a dart at a corkboard and assuming all throws hit bullseye.  It’s a poster child of how the unregulated “power of liberal community” does not work in the same way that knowledgebases and support databases do.  You can’t fire someone for entering irresponsible data into Wikipedia.

Well, good ol’ Kotaku has recently pointed out yet another point of evidence of how ludicrous Wikipedia has gotten.  Their eyes have been focused on the fact that in terms of content posted:

• Sonic the Hedgehog has 7,832 written for it where as GOD has 3,726. 

Unbelievable.  GamesRadar continues with other comparisons like:

• Call of Duty vs. World War II
• Electronic Gaming Monthly vs Time Magazine
• Pokemon vs Poker
• Master Chief (Halo) vs ANY given US President
• Starship Enterprise vs the Automobile
• Metal Gear Solid 4 vs War & Peace
• Final Fantasy Music Albums vs ALL Rock & Roll history
• Megaman X bosses vs ALL Serial Killers
• Minor Star Wars characters vs US Founding Fathers
• …etc…

KOTAKU LINK:  http://kotaku.com/5022282/fifteen-minutes-on-wikipedia-is-like-a-semester-at-yale-if-yale-was-a-wow-server

GAMESRADAR LINK:  http://www.gamesradar.com/f/the-wtf-world-of-wikipedia/a-2008062510326553058/p-3

The other day I benignly wrote a blog post that surmised that one’s casino rating was possibly skewable using a number of methods that I’d witnessed others using in the casinos (Hey – there’s not much else to do other than observe others in the casino once you’ve thoroughly chatted to your tablemates and the dealer) and while I hadn’t actually tried some of them, I’d seen people do it and assumed the reason was to ‘up’ their play ratings.

Welllllllll, that was a few days ago.  Since then much to my surprise, I’ve been contacted by a few people that were actual former casino pit bosses at Las Vegas strip casinos (Boy, you guys surf a lot! [grin]) about this post and got… well… a lot of interesting lessons about how things really work, not to mention more than a pocketful of advice.  (Translation:  There were a lot of people willing to school me Tony Montana-style for many of the inaccurate bullet points I wrote up.  Sorry guys.)

So here’s some of the corrections to what I originally wrote:

• THE VALUE OF AN INITIAL BET IS A TOTAL MYTH
  A common thread amongst folks that wrote was that your initial bet is hardly the only bet recorded and really over a normal period of time doesn’t do much at all for your average if the pit boss tracks your bet level with the correct frequency, which almost all will.  They observe, record, and make judgments about your behavior on a consistent basis… which is their job.
• HOTEL BILLING IS ENCOURAGED ONLY TO MAKE COMPING EASIER FOR HOSTS
  One person noted that the only reason hosts want you to put things on your hotel room is so that when you ask to be comped, they can simply slash it off your bill.  Having services purchased on your hotel charge and having it comped by a host is apparently a easier thing to rationalize instead of outright handing someone a free dinner or spa treatment.
• RATHOLING IS ULTIMATELY WORTHLESS
  The general consensus is that removing chips off the table or ‘ratholing’ is a well-known & obvious practice to 100% of all pit bosses.  Sure small amounts could be very slowly ratholed but these low numbers make the result not worth actually doing anything and only results in unnecessary risk. (i.e. the wrath of the pit bosses & managers for trying to mess with their work)
• CASHING-OUT/BUYING-BACK-IN IS EASY TO DETECT
  The technique of cashing-out & buying-back-in (the thing that the woman that was sitting next to me during my last trip was doing) raises your overall buy-in but this number is compared to your “actual win/loss” when you walk away.  In other words, disproportionate buy-ins are relatively easy to detect.  It went unsaid however I assume that the implication here is that this is pretty much pointless unless you lose a lot, in which case – who cares what you’re being rated at since, well, you’re losing.
• CASHING-OUT/BUYING-BACK-IN IS REALLY ABOUT GETTING A LOAN
  I was told by a couple folks that the real reason I catch people ratholing chips is because they’re trying to cycle time through the casino with cash borrowed on casino credit i.e. markers to ultimately take out an interest-free 30 day loan without actually gambling the money borrowed. 

  Huh???  Yeah – that’s what I said.  It apparently has nothing to do with the player’s comps.  Call me surprised, but for my part, I’ve always had more than enough casino credit everywhere I’ve played and this isn’t something that I’d even fathomed a player doing being that I always have the cash in the bank to back up any marker I place. (I’m just too lazy to withdraw the money and take it with me to the casino)  Apparently, and I guess not surprisingly, a lot of people in Vegas need money loaned to them in these increments and this is, I guess, an easy albeit unethical way to do it – not to mention a quick way to destroy your credit across town.

One interesting thing was that all the individuals I talked to seemed… uh… frankly a little angry about my post, despite having “retired” from the casino industry, which I found interesting.  In talking with them, some seemed a bit hardened by their time working as a pit boss, others seemed at relative ease, being almost jovial about their former employment.  But they all sounded like by writing that post, I’d committed an injustice that needed to be rectified – hence their immediate desire to IM me, email me, or post a comment.  My guess was that they either felt compelled to quash my ignorance (regardless of my ultimate insignificance), or they felt some loyalty to the “cause” of pitbosses & dealers everywhere, which I guess is understandable.

Either way, in case any of them are reading this, I did appreciate the information.  Really.  Thanks everyone for having the patience to answer my questions.

Now, on a positive note, my dear reader, one of these former pit bosses told me a variety of ‘very interesting things’ that I’m still debating as to whether I should post for fear they could find their way back to that person.  Apparently, as one would surmise, knowing how things work ‘on the inside’ can provide a great deal of opportunity for… what said person called, ‘mischief’.

How about this:  If you know me, just ask me the next time you see me and I’ll tell you what this person told me.

Just thought I’d share this little ditty with anyone who’s reading:  It’s a song that was first posted on the “Five Hundy by Midnight” website (“The original Las Vegas podcast”) and it’s really gotten stuck in my head.  And there’s only been a few songs that have managed to wedge itself in the vacuous space known as my cranium and I guess this is the latest

The song’s called “Hungover for Vegas” and besides the awesome licks, the lyrics brings back memories of some of my trips to Vegas when I was in college and couldn’t afford anything but a room at Circus Circus and $1 blackjack tables at the Frontier.  It makes me want to fire up my lighter and hold it up in the air:

LISTEN:  http://www.myspace.com/joesedita

—————-

Incidentally, until this song the Sarcastic Gamer song “How you kill a Brand” was the song most commonly stuck in my head.  Thank you Joe Sedita for finally dislodging this remake of the Fray’s song “How to save a life” from the ol’ dome.  For what it’s worth, these songs follow an illustrious line of highly catchy tunes that I’ve found myself humming to myself on the drive home from work… going back as far as “Centerfold” by the J. Geils Band.

Here’s the last song in my head:  Sarcastic Gamer’s “How to Kill a Brand”

The folks at Five Hundy’s most recent podcast talked about how Binion’s is putting up $1,000,000 up on display, much like they used to have back in the old days.  It’ll be stacks of $100s, $20s, and smaller bills.  What’s interesting is that the $1,000,000 that Binion’s used to have on display used to consist of $10,000 bills.

$10,000 bills?  Yep.  I’ve never seen one either.

So I did a quick search and sure enough, there’s some really neat photos of the large denomination bills that were created back in 1918 that the public really and truly could own.  Apparently, the original $10,000 bills from Binion’s were auctioned off by the last owner of Binion’s for as much as  $160,000.  Sick.  Really sick. (http://www.moneyfactory.gov/document.cfm/5/42/160.)

But why not $100,000 bills or some other denomination?  Well, $100,000 was the largest denomination ever created in the U.S. and I seem to remember there being something illegal about owning a $100,000 bill and sure enough, I was right.  In 1934 they printed these bills and they were used explicitly between Federal Reserve Banks.  And yes, it’s illegal for even collectors to own them. (http://www.moneyfactory.gov/document.cfm/5/42/1359)

If you were going into a part of the city where you knew people were trying to take your money everywhere you go, wouldn’t you want to be on your guard by doing some research first?  Where should I go to avoid getting held up?  Where are the safest places?  What should I do to protect myself?

Guess what?  In Vegas – everyone wants your money.  Don’t just go to Vegas ignorant. Go to Vegas armed with information to protect yourself.  ‘Cause like G.I. Joe says, “Knowing is half the battle.”

1. Resort Comp Calculator
   What kind of comps can you roughly expect based on your current level of play? 
   And no, your $10 betting isn’t going to get you a free room.
   http://www.vegastripping.com/compcalculator/
2. Casino Game Odds
   What is the house advantage (or ‘edge’) against you as a player? 
   nd why the hell are you still playing Keno & Wheel of Fortune?
   http://www.insidervlv.com/CasinoOdds.html
3. Casino Death Watch
   What casinos are looking like they’re going to ‘go under’? 
   Yes, Circus Circus has been on here for years.
   http://www.jetcafe.org/~npc/gambling/casino_death_watch.html
4. Las Vegas Restaurant Reviews
   Check out what others say about that “high priced, highly acclaimed” restaurant before you go.
   Seriously.  Check this out before you go anywhere.
   http://www.yelp.com/c/lasvegas/restaurants
5. Resort & Casino Property Owners
   Who owns that Vegas spot that you like to go to?  Is the comp plan aligned with others?
   Long live the independent properties!
   http://www.jetcafe.org/~npc/gambling/casino_owners.html
6. Vegas Hotel Discounts & Coupons
   Looking to book a room at a discount?
   Pamela’s got all the hook up and going to Vegas on the cheap.
   http://psloveblog.com/
7. Maps of Vegas
   No, not the crappy ones you see online.  Really good ones you’d be proud to use printer ink on.
   Check out the “Coke vs. Pepsi” map!
   http://www.vegastodayandtomorrow.com/
8. The Original Las Vegas Podcast
   Want to listen to something that’ll get you in the mood for Vegas?  This is the best thing to load up your music player with to start that engine running.
   http://www.fivehundybymidnight.com/fhbm
9. Photos of Vegas Food
   Wanna actually see what the food looks like at a given location?  This photographs everything she eats.  It’s an unmatched encyclopedia of visual notes on basically every Vegas restaurant’s food.
   http://vegasandfood.blogspot.com/
10. Construction in Vegas
    What the heck is getting built on property X?  What’s the back story on that?
    http://www.vegastodayandtomorrow.com/page2hotels.htm
11. Pre-reading for Blackjack Players
    I wrote an blog post specifically for folks going to Vegas to play Blackjack.  You might find it informative.
    http://kurtsthoughts.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!97895BBB8AD10F37!375.entry
12. Blackjack Basic Strategy Card
    Here’s something to print out right before you go to Vegas.  How to play perfect Blackjack.
    http://www.blackjackinfo.com/bjbse.php
13. Advice around Taxis in Vegas
    Want to avoid getting ‘longhauled"’ i.e. getting taken for a longer ride than necessary between the airport & the resorts?  Read this article.
    http://kurtsthoughts.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!97895BBB8AD10F37!990.entry

In my younger years I was the victim of several taxi scams in Las Vegas.  A little older, but admittedly not a whole lot wiser, I can tell you that these sort of things still go on but you can take some specific steps to prevent yourself from getting Shanghai-ed by a disreputable driver.

AIRPORT-TO-RESORTS
The most common way for a taxi driver to overcharge you is to do what locals call “long-hauling”.  Basically this is the practice of taking a longer than necessary route to get you to your hotel/resort destination.

The most frequent long-haul from the airport to resorts is to “use the tunnel”.  The tunnel connects the airport to the I-15 and tacks on around $5 or more to your cab fare depending on the route they take after getting off the I-15.  It’s very obvious after you’ve taken the trip from McCarron International to the strip several times.  The fare just seems excessive.  The driver will always say that it’ll save time but most of the time it actually adds time to the ride and it charges you for the taxi’s movement.

It should be noted that if you’re staying on the far end of the strip or downtown, this route DOES make sense.  Anything on Fremont Street for example, is better approached via this route.

Otherwise, as a general rule, always have the taxi drive to use Paradise Road when going to or from the Airport. It will be a lot cheaper, it could save you $10 depending on your destination.  The cost for a taxi from the McCarran Airport to the Las Vegas Strip:

• $9.00 to South end of the Strip (MGM)
• $13.25 to Mid Strip (Mirage)
• $15.50 to the North end (Sahara)

(Note:  An interesting article about this was written by a Las Vegas cabbie and offers something of an alternative view.  YMMV.)

SCAMS
Here are a few scams that have purportedly been used in Vegas to up fares as taken from Mr. Vegas’ web site:

• Zone Charges. Every once in a while, a Las Vegas cab driver may try to impose a “zone charge”. This will typically occur when the particular taxi ride is to one of Las Vegas’ outlying areas.  “This is a zone 3 trip” the driver may suggest, trying to add a few dollars onto the meter fare.  Be forewarned, there are no zone charges for any Las Vegas taxi cab.
• The Shim.  The “shim” is a small piece of plastic  (or toothpick) that some drivers will place in the buttons of their meters to play a trick or two with the fare total. Most commonly used from the Airport or when someone leaves the cab to “run in” for something.  Presently, only two cab companies have “shimable” meters. I won’t tell which two, just be on the look out for strange objects sticking out of buttons on the meter. This one is almost obsolete, as this type of meter is being replaced.

RANDOMLY PICKING UP CABS ON THE STREET
You can not for the most part hail a cab in Las Vegas – unlike other cities, this is illegal and most cabbies will drive right by unless you’re in an alley or some place out of view.  They can’t even pick you up at a restaurant or bar unless you specifically called them to have them pick you up so you can’t even wait at the door of a place like Lawry’s and expect someone to come by.

Cabs can only pick you up if you’re at a casino or hotel so find the nearest Vegas Casino and ask the bellman or valet where the taxi stand is located.

DO’s AND DON’Ts
Do not bring alcohol into the cab.  It’s illegal to do so.
Do not attempt to pay in casino chips.  This is illegal as well.
Do not barf in the cab.  This may result in a $25-$50 charge and a really ticked off cabbie.
Do tip your cabbie.  Below $10, assume you should tip $2 for any ride.  Above $10, 20% is considered standard.  (The IRS taxes all cabbies on the basis of an assumed 23% tip for every fare.)  And if you leave something in your cab – like you cell phone and you get it returned to you, be doubly sure to retip heavily.  The cabbie is losing a ride by honestly bringing your valuables back to you.

PROBLEMS WITH CABS
This was some advice I am taking verbatim from a comment on Frommer’s web site:
”Always note the taxi number of the cabs you take. The name of the company does not matter as each number is unique. Should you have a problem with the cab “long-hauling” you, call the taxi Authority at (702) 486-6532. Get as much information as you can (time of pick-up, name and description of driver, etc). They will investigate and the cab drivers that are found to be abusing this can lose their licence.”
Here’s a web site for submitting complaints:  http://taxi.state.nv.us/ComplaintInstructions.htm