Kurt's Thoughts

For supposedly being part of the fabled evil empire, I can think of so many other individuals / organizations where this segment of Anakin Skywalker’s dialogue from Star Wars Attack of the Clones (Episode 2) seems to fit well:

PADME
You really don’t like politicians, do you?

ANAKIN
I like two or three, but I’m not really sure about one of them.  I don’t think the system works.

PADME
How would you have it work?

ANAKIN
We need a system where the politicians sit down and discuss the problems, agree what’s in the best interests of all the people, and then do it.

PADME
That is exactly what we do. The trouble is that people don’t always agree.

ANAKIN
Then they should be made to.

PADME
By whom? Who’s going to make them?

ANAKIN
I don’t know. Someone.

PADME
You?

ANAKIN
Of course not me.

PADME
But someone.

ANAKIN
Someone wise.

PADME
That sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me.

ANAKIN
Well, if it works…

Well, this is nasty:  Facebook has agreed to let third-party advertisers use your posted pictures WITHOUT your permission.

1. Click on SETTINGS up at the top where you see the Log out link.
2. Select Privacy.
3. Select NEWSFEEDS and WALL.
4. Select the tab that reads FACEBOOK ADS. There is a drop down box that reads “Only my friends”.
5. Select NO ONE and click “SAVE CHANGES”.

I was watching “After the Catch”, a somewhat mild, advertisement-laden rehash of the season’s Deadliest Catch episodes on Discovery Channel where the captains sit down in a pub to talk about various topics with Cash Cab’s Ben Bailey.  Even though I fully realize After the Catch is designed simply to stretch out Discovery Channel’s opportunities to sell advertising, I have to admit:  I find it interesting enough to ‘keep from changing the channel’ after watching the new Tuesday episodes of Deadliest Catch.

While watching, I noticed the back of Ben Bailey’s shirt read, “Get your CRABS from Phil”.  I fully admit, I loved the shirt and thought, “Hey!  I want one of those!”  Then I looked really carefully at the screen – Thank you Mitsubishi 65” High Definition Television – and I could read the very bottom of Ben’s shirt which said, “http://www.captainphilharris.com”. 

Are you kiddin’ me?  Captain Phil’s got a web site?  Hell yeah.

Then I turned up all the ship’s web sites. 

• Cornelia Marie – http://captainphilharris.com/
• Time Bandit – http://www.timebandit.tv/
• Northwestern – http://www.fvnorthwestern.com/
• Wizard – http://www.crabwizard.com/

Then I bought a shirt.  Awright Cornelia Marie!

——–

AFTER THE CATCH RECIPES:
Incidentally, each of the sea captains actually COOKED something on After the Catch and posted the recipes online.  The crab stuffed mushrooms that Captain Phil made looked pretty tasty so I think I’m gonna aim to try to make those.

RECIPES:  http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/deadliestcatch/after-the-catch-2009.html

Let’s all sing along!

The Late Late Show Theme Song
Written by Craig Ferguson

It’s hard to stay up
It’s been a long, long day
And you got the sandman at the door
But hang on, leave the TV on
And let’s do it anyway
It’s ok
You can always sleep through work tomorrow, OK?
Hey hey
Tomorrow’s just your future yesterday

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/latelate/

p.s.  I like the Sheep Dog & the Shark.

10) Kal-El

9) Denny Crane

8)  Starbuck

7)  Pedro

6)  Master Chief

5)  Tiberius

4)  Octo-boy

3)  McLovin

2)  Beavis

…and #1…

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1)  Darth

I got the idea to write this up after having travelled to Atlanta, GA on a business trip.  I caught up with some guys from Citrix Systems, a partner of our company that does a lot of road warrior sales as well.  One night we were eating Japanese and during a sake-filled stupor, a few of us started telling some of the funnier stories we’ve have about the travelling salesman’s life.  Here’s a few of them… one from me, others from some of the other guys:

“The Remote Control Condom”
Apparently, the single most disgusting, germ-ridden item in the hotel room is the TV remote control.  And it’s not just cold germs… it’s E.coli and other feces-originating bateria that linger on the ol’ clicker.  And when you think about it, it’s not that hard to believe.  Of all the things in the room that gets consistently touched by visitors bur frankly, never cleaned… the TV remote control tops the list.

That’s why you might want to consider “wrapping it” with the Remote Control condom.  Take the clear plastic bag out of your ice bucket, and put it over you hand.  Then with your newly gloved hand, grab the top end of the remote control and without touching the remote, pull the plastic bag off your hand and completely over the remote.  Then tie off the end at the bottom of the remote and use it to your heart’s content without ever touching the item.

“The Deskchair Towel”
Let’s face it:  There’s been a few times in your life where you’ve been too lazy to put on any clothes.  Maybe you’re headed to bed, or you’re just getting out of the shower.  Use your imagination.  So you walk by your desk and… OOH.  Someone’s emailed you.  So you sit down in front of your laptop and start typing away.

What’s wrong with this picture?  Your rear end is officially pressed against the fabric/leather of the chair.  And that’s not that big a deal… until you think about the thousands upon thousand of people that did the exact same thing in the exact same chair that your sitting in right now.  Never mind that your butt might be antiseptic & germ-free… you should probably be thinking about how common it is for individuals with lousy ass hygiene to do email-in-the-buff.

The answer?  The Deskchair towel:  Get a towel, and simply drape it over the chair.  And leave it there for the stay of your trip.  Now feel free to email-away to your heart’s content.

“The Housekeeping Tip”
One of the folks mentioned that he the day he arrives in his room – he leaves a $5 bill for housekeeping with an obvious note that clearly explains that the $5 was explicitly for housekeeping.  He explained that he’s seen secretly taped video recordings, particularly in commonly visited salespeople’s hotels where the housekeeping staff has done terrible things to an individuals toothbrush, pillows, and other personal items.

His logic?  Seriously:  It’s $5 all that much to ensure that housekeeping doesn’t do anything nasty to your personal items?

“Phone Humor”
This item had us in stitches for the ‘you’ve been forewarned’ factor alone.  It’s not a preventative measure as much as it is a prank.  I won’t describe the entire concept but simply put, one of the sales guys from Citrix told us about a comedian he saw that said every time he goes to a hotel he takes the phone handset and does unspeakable things with it.  Then he sets it back down on the phone.  He later calls back that room and kindly explains to the guest staying in that room the horrible things he’s done to the handset that they now have close up to their face.

So, so wrong.

“Spilled Orange Drink on Bedspread”
One of the filthiest items in your hotel room is the bedspread.  It is almost never cleaned/changed between guests and it’s a common surface upon which all people sit, lie down, eat, or… do other things upon.

So one of the guys said, that the first thing he did when he got into his room is buy an Orange soda, pour it into a glass, and subsequently pour the glass onto the bedspread.  “Oh no!,” he tells the operator on the phone.  “I’ve accidentally spilled my Orange soda on my bedspread.  Could someone please come bring me a clean one?”

——————

(Incidentally, if you don’t believe it this stuff, check this little article out from Conde Nast Traveler:
http://www.concierge.com/cntraveler/articles/10623?mbid=rss_contf&pageNumber=1)

The folks at Chasing the Frog put together a really nice list of Q&As from the movie “21” to help clear up what is true and what is false about the movie.  They go over who each of the characters in the movie really were in real life as well as where they are now.  There are also videos from John Chang, Jeff Ma, Mike Aponte, & Bill Kaplan.

More interestingly though, they answer some questions such as:

• Was an MIT professor really the leader of the Blackjack Team?
• Did Ben really join the blackjack team to earn money for med school?
• Had the real Ben lost his father?
• Was the romance in the movie real?
• When did the real story take place?
• Did Fisher really recruit Ben Campbell to play on the team?
• Did everyone on the real MIT Blackjack Team attend MIT?
• Who bankrolled the MIT Blackjack Team?
• Did the team really use code words to represent the count?
• What blackjack book is Ben reading on the airplane in the movie 21?
• Where is the secret underground casino in Chinatown?
• Were the former MIT team members upset that the movie didn’t reflect their mostly Asian ethnicity?
• Did team members stuff money down their pants to get past airport security?
• How do the former team members feel about the movie’s inaccuracies?
• I heard that much of Ben Mezrich’s book is exaggerated and untrue?
• Did Ben really lose control at the Red Rock and cost the team $200,000?
• Is the Laurence Fishburne character based on an actual person?
• Did any of the team members ever get beat up by casino security?
• Did the MIT Blackjack Team ever use strippers to cash out their chips?
• Did team members ever drink, visit strip clubs, or play slots during the trips?
• Did a team leader steal $315k from a player after the player lost $200k by playing carelessly?
• Did Ben really hide his winnings in the ceiling of his dorm room?
• What is the most that the team ever won on a single trip?
• What is the most that the team ever lost on a single trip?
• Did the MIT team play at other locations besides Las Vegas?
• Do any of the former MIT Blackjack Team members have cameos in the movie?
• I heard that one of the players dressed like a woman to fool casino security?
• Are any of the real life players featured in the History Channel documentary Breaking Vegas represented in the movie?
• Are there still blackjack teams at MIT?
• Were the campus scenes shot at the real MIT?

LINK:
http://www.chasingthefrog.com/reelfaces/21mitblackjack.php

Ask my brother.  I was never, ever, ever a Michael Jackson fan.

Not during Thriller.  Not during Black or White.  Not during Bad.  Yet, I went out and I think during college bought the single, many years ago, of “Scream” when it came out.

I buy all my music.  Always have since before CD duplicating, before ripping, before downloads.  And I’m pleased to still own that copy of “Scream” on a CDsingle.  Just dug it out of my CD rack this evening.

Man, I loved this song.  Don’t know why really.  Probably because the song is so primal in it’s expression of sheer frustration.

Y’ever been that frustrated?  I have.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tarIkHHM4XY

I suspect every parent in this generation knows about this song already but I really don’t care because it’s the first time I’VE ever heard it and ever since my wife and I started reading the book to our newborn son, Kyle, we can’t get it out of our heads.  It has us giggling like little elementary school kids in a really nice way.

OOO, Snuggle Puppy of mine! Everything about you is especially fine. I love what you are. I love what you do. Fuzzy little Snuggle Puppy, I love you.

Here’s a sample if you’ve never heard it, as sung by Eric Stoltz of movie fame:  LISTEN
(http://www.sandraboynton.com/sboynton.com.data/
Components/Music/Snugglepuppy.mp3)

I went through a bunch of the songs from the album where Snuggle Puppy came from, (Called Philadelphia Chickens by Sandra Boynton) and it turns out there’s a bunch of funny songs for kids on the album including “Pig Island” sung by Scott Bakula, of Quantum Leap & Enterprise fame.

Anyway, I just thought I’d mention that, as we used to listen to “Linkin Park” & “Audioslave”, we’re now listening to “Snuggle Puppy” & “Pig Island”.

Sigh.

One of the things I always remember back before getting married was a trip to Italy where I sat down to breakfast and met Drew Barry, all-time assists leader from GeorgiaTech and son of NBA All-star and legend, Rick Barry.

A friend and I were on a trip to Cervinia, Italy to ski/snowboard (Italian Alps/”The Matterhorn”) which was a trip that I’ve taken many times before, but we had taken a detour from Milan and stayed one extra night in a city called Varese which was a little out of the way but whatever.  We arrived at a hotel that was quaint, quiet, well kept but very very very old. 

VARESE HOTEL… THE QUIETEST PLACE ON EARTH
You could tell the hotel had stood the test of time by the architecture, the narrow hallways, the decor, and the furniture.  I saw items with descriptions near them written in Italian that I couldn’t read but I certainly understood the dates:  Stuff like 1729 and 1863.  With the ambiance of the dimly lit room and the antiques that populated each room, I got the feeling that I was surrounded by the ghosts of European wars past and couldn’t help wondering who’d visited these halls over the past 2-3 centuries.

Did I mention there was, like, no one there?  Seriously – we were the only ones in the hotel.  Besides the innkeeper, the place looked completely deserted.  If not for the lights, one might have thought the hotel had been closed for the ‘off season’.  (During the winter, I guess, Europeans don’t stay in places like this… probably for good reason.  It’s very dreary, cold, and quiet.)

I sat in the dining room with my friend and as we were being served salami, cheeses, wine and other items, we listened to the most obnoxious silence one can imagine.  It was really uncomfortable speaking in the room because when you said something it echoed and was the ONLY thing you heard.  There wasn’t any background noise… there wasn’t even that “high pitched screeeeee’ that you hear in America when everything is quiet.  (I think people’s brains block out that screeeeeee sound it’s so common)

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET TO DREW BARRY?
So anyway, while were sitting there, the silence was broken by some other people walking in!  A very attractive couple trotted in and sat at the table next to us.  They looked very young and appeared American.  I remember looking at the guy and thinking he looked a little familiar.  His girl was, well, really beautiful… I mean, she wasn’t over the top ridiculous-superstar attractive but she had a grace & style that was very down-to-earth, inviting and was a very good match for the guy who was tall, athletic, and well-groomed.  Especially for Italy where we’d seen a lot of guys that could use a shave, haircut, makeover, and for God’s sake, a bath.

With nothing better to do, I spoke up and asked them where they were from.  The guy said they were travelling for his work so I asked him what he did.

“I play basketball.”

Bingo.  Being the collegiate basketball freak, I immediately blurted out, “Whoa – what’s your name?”  He said, “Drew Barry”.  I stammered, “Drew Barry?  As in Drew Barry of Georgia Tech, son of Rick Barry, brother of Jon & Brent Barry?”  His girl’s face lit up from my recognition as he smiled meekly and said, “Yeah.  You remember me?”

Drew Barry played for Georgia Tech and was the school’s assists leader.  I saw him play a few times and really, you can’t help but watch a kid play when his genetics lead to one of the greatest NBA players in history.  We talked a bit and I found out that Drew was with a European team now.  I guess the NBA hadn’t panned out for him but he was playing for a team (Poland, I think?) that had been travelling to play someone in Italy and his girl was travelling with him. 

I had to believe that that must have been hard on her but I couldn’t say anything because I figured she was just being supportive of her guy and man, there’s something in my heart that chokes me up a little when I think about that level of loyalty:  Going to countries that don’t speak your native tongue, not being employed, not even being able to watch English language TV other than BBC World, watching your guy play basketball week after week (especially Eurohoops which is less than spectacular compared to the NBA) to make a paycheck?  That’s amazing.

GETTIN’ PAID BABY… GETTIN’ PAID
Which brings up the sensitive topic of ‘getting paid’.  I know a lot of ballers will go to Europe to make a living.  My favorite UCLA player of all time, Ed O’Bannon, played in Europe for a while and made a million or so bouncing around Europe before retiring to Las Vegas.  (DEAR ED – I know it was a long time ago, but you ever want to get back into hoops & if you ever read this, please, please, please come back to UCLA.  You mean so much to us that remember 1995.  Contact the frickin’ athletic department and come home… you’re a GOD here in Los Angeles.  Everyone knows your story already.  I’m sure the administration would love your involvement and we love seeing you at the games.  You’re more of a symbol of UCLA greatness to my generation than Bill, Kareem, Reggie, Kevin, Baron, or anyone else I can think of.) 

Anwyay, Drew said that Europe paid pretty well, and based on what I’ve read, players could make $100k-$300k annually.  But one thing he said surprised me because I hadn’t heard of it before:

“The pay’s pretty good… if you manage to get paid, that is.”

I asked him what he meant and he said that sometimes, getting paid for your play was random.  Some teams would just “not pay you”.  WTF?  Yeah, I guess in Europe, teams might decide not to pay you for whatever reason and if they do, you really don’t have any recourse because hey – you’re not a citizen.  You’re a gun for hire and you have no backup or legal recourse. 

Man.  Can you believe playing an entire season and then someone says, “Sorry.  No soup for you.”

This is something I don’t remember reading elsewhere and it’s something that’s really stuck with me for a while.  In America – if someone screws you over, you always have recourse through our legal system and yeah, it’s not perfect but at least we have that level of fairness.

A NICE GUY.  THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, DREW.
We went on to eat our dinners and said our goodbyes.  We hadn’t talked much but I knew that I’d talked to not just a skilled player and his girl, but a genuinely nice guy.  While one might thing he may have been a little humbled by the European hoops experience, I got the impression that he really didn’t have to be humbled much:  He didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would have a chip on his shoulder and was probably a nice enough guy before coming to play in Europe.

I hope he landed well.  Thanks, Drew, for the memory.

Last night I was notified that I’ve been nominated for the Yelp Los Angeles Elite Squad which got me excited just for the recognition but it also has me thinking a lot.

WAIT.  WHAT’S A ‘YELP’?
Yelp.com is a web site that does reviews of restaurants, services, doctors, etc. and aggregates them.  It’s got a clean interface and generally tries to highlight the well done, detailed reviews and minimizing the bad, poorly written ones.

For the people that participate, it gives them a chance to either drool or vent on a business, and the site makes it possible for you to personalize your interface.  For example, my reviews are all located at http://kurtsh.yelp.com.  (That’s right – a vanity domain name for my reviews.  It only took Facebook 5 years to do something similar and they don’t even give me my own subdomain.)

SO WHAT’S THE ELITE SQUAD?
Basically, for the people that contribute either a lot of detailed editorial content or a lot of in-depth reviews & descriptions (personally, I believe I probably fall into the latter category being that I’ve only got 80 some-odd reviews but they’re all ridiculously detailed… but I could be wrong) they have regional community managers online that read through stuff and occasionally ‘recognize’ these individuals by ‘knighting them’ with the label “member of the Yelp Elite Squad”.

What does it matter?  Well, Yelp Elite Squad members have the dubious distinction of having an special logo/badge next to their name that reads, “Elite ‘09” signifying the recognition.  These folks are also given Yelp branded clothing from what I understand and are invited to social events, funded and put on by Yelp itself in the local geography that you were nominated in.

All it all, it’s kinda like being deputized as an OpEd Editorial Contributor in an online newspaper as well as a big ol’ “Look-it-me everyone – I’m special.”  And everyone likes a little recognition once and a while.

Especially me.

OKAY.  AND SO… WHAT?
Here’s the thing I’ve been pondering:  I’ve read things about the Yelp business model and to some degree it’s always sort of worried me a little.  Basically, if I crap all over a business (which I do from time to time) Yelp may contact the business and say, “We can bury Kurt’s bad review if you pay us a fee.”  This fee amounts to something in the thousands of dollars according to one business I frequent quite a bit. 

You can see the dilemma.  I understand that Yelp needs to make a penny and I don’t fault them at all for that, but I also understand that this is effectively weaponizing my opinion, which by Yelp’s usage policy, they can in fact do.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m extremely flattered that I’ve been recognized by the community managers in Los Angeles.  And being that there’s no shortage of opinions here in Los Angeles, this is a really nice honor.  I just kinda wonder how it is my opinion is being used when I’m not around.

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY…
Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter much in the long run though. 

Yelp is easily the most credible online opinion site when it comes to restaurants.  Epinions, CitySearch, and even Chowhound just don’t come close.  And when I think about it, being that I’ve written so much into Yelp already, my opinion’s being used in this fashion regardless of whether I’m part of the Elite Squad or not, ‘eh?  Might as well attend a few parties as compensation for my labor.  Never mind.  Forget I said anything. 

“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

This has to be the single best advertisement for the single worst product ever.

What a great commercial.