USC Trojan Humor in the wake of our 24-7 loss

In the wake of my Bruins’ sad loss to USC (or depending on your affiliation, happy victory) and the execution of our head coach, Karl Dorrell (thank you Karl – a true Bruin – for bringing class & discipline back to our program), here’s a parting shot to my Trojan friends.

  1. What do USC and UCLA students have in common?
    They both got in to USC.
    (Note:  True for me… I mean, c’mon:  UCLA Computer Science & Engineering, the birthplace of the Internet, or USC CS&E?)
  2. A Trojan grad and a Bruin grad were on death row. The warden came to them to ask them if they had any last requests. The Trojan said, “I’d just like to hear ‘Conquest’ one last time.” When the warden asked the Bruin what his last request was, he replied, “kill me first.”
  3. Did you hear the library at USC burned down?
    They lost both books, and one hadn’t even been colored in yet.
  4. A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, “Wanna hear a USC joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6’ tall, 200 lbs., and I’m a USC graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2”, weighs 225, and he’s a USC graduate. The fella next to him is 6’5” tall, weighs 250, and he’s a USC graduate. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?
    The first guy replies: “Naw, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”
  5. Members of the USC football team were placed in a remedial English class. “Because we are all new on campus we are going to start with the basics,” the professor explained. “Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?”
    All of the players raised their hands. “The appeal!” they all shouted with pride.
  6. Q: What are the best four years of a Trojan’s life?
    A: Third grade
  7. Q: What does a Trojan and a bottle of beer have in common?
    A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
  8. Q: What do you get when you drive slowly by the USC campus?
    A: A degree.
  9. Q: What does the average USC player get on his SAT’s?
    A: Drool.
  10. Q: How do you get a USC graduate off your porch?
    A: Pay him for the pizza
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