I got the idea to write this up after having travelled to Atlanta, GA on a business trip. I caught up with some guys from Citrix Systems, a partner of our company that does a lot of road warrior sales as well. One night we were eating Japanese and during a sake-filled stupor, a few of us started telling some of the funnier stories we’ve have about the travelling salesman’s life. Here’s a few of them… one from me, others from some of the other guys:
“The Remote Control Condom”
Apparently, the single most disgusting, germ-ridden item in the hotel room is the TV remote control. And it’s not just cold germs… it’s E.coli and other feces-originating bateria that linger on the ol’ clicker. And when you think about it, it’s not that hard to believe. Of all the things in the room that gets consistently touched by visitors bur frankly, never cleaned… the TV remote control tops the list.
That’s why you might want to consider “wrapping it” with the Remote Control condom. Take the clear plastic bag out of your ice bucket, and put it over you hand. Then with your newly gloved hand, grab the top end of the remote control and without touching the remote, pull the plastic bag off your hand and completely over the remote. Then tie off the end at the bottom of the remote and use it to your heart’s content without ever touching the item.
“The Deskchair Towel”
Let’s face it: There’s been a few times in your life where you’ve been too lazy to put on any clothes. Maybe you’re headed to bed, or you’re just getting out of the shower. Use your imagination. So you walk by your desk and… OOH. Someone’s emailed you. So you sit down in front of your laptop and start typing away.
What’s wrong with this picture? Your rear end is officially pressed against the fabric/leather of the chair. And that’s not that big a deal… until you think about the thousands upon thousand of people that did the exact same thing in the exact same chair that your sitting in right now. Never mind that your butt might be antiseptic & germ-free… you should probably be thinking about how common it is for individuals with lousy ass hygiene to do email-in-the-buff.
The answer? The Deskchair towel: Get a towel, and simply drape it over the chair. And leave it there for the stay of your trip. Now feel free to email-away to your heart’s content.
“The Housekeeping Tip”
One of the folks mentioned that he the day he arrives in his room – he leaves a $5 bill for housekeeping with an obvious note that clearly explains that the $5 was explicitly for housekeeping. He explained that he’s seen secretly taped video recordings, particularly in commonly visited salespeople’s hotels where the housekeeping staff has done terrible things to an individuals toothbrush, pillows, and other personal items.
His logic? Seriously: It’s $5 all that much to ensure that housekeeping doesn’t do anything nasty to your personal items?
This item had us in stitches for the ‘you’ve been forewarned’ factor alone. It’s not a preventative measure as much as it is a prank. I won’t describe the entire concept but simply put, one of the sales guys from Citrix told us about a comedian he saw that said every time he goes to a hotel he takes the phone handset and does unspeakable things with it. Then he sets it back down on the phone. He later calls back that room and kindly explains to the guest staying in that room the horrible things he’s done to the handset that they now have close up to their face.
So, so wrong.
“Spilled Orange Drink on Bedspread”
One of the filthiest items in your hotel room is the bedspread. It is almost never cleaned/changed between guests and it’s a common surface upon which all people sit, lie down, eat, or… do other things upon.
So one of the guys said, that the first thing he did when he got into his room is buy an Orange soda, pour it into a glass, and subsequently pour the glass onto the bedspread. “Oh no!,” he tells the operator on the phone. “I’ve accidentally spilled my Orange soda on my bedspread. Could someone please come bring me a clean one?”
(Incidentally, if you don’t believe it this stuff, check this little article out from Conde Nast Traveler: